Sasori's Requiem
by KinkyLolipop
Summary: He's a redhead bastard who has a pyromaniac brat as a best friend, a spoiled love-deprived monster as a friend, an albino asshole as a servant, a retarded and hyper freak as a "rival in love", and much more. AU and slight SasoDei. Script Version.
1. Intro to Redhead

**Sasori's Requiem **

Sasori stared at the servant with a bored yet irritated look on his face.

Servana: Sasori-sama, what's the magic word?

Sasori: Give it to me.

Servana: Now remember your manners, young master. Say please

Sasori: Now why the hell would I do such an unnecessary thing when I could do this?

Servana never knew what hit her-actually she did. It was a sharp knife coming out of one of Sasori's many puppets. XD

Sasori: Now say please and I'll give you the antidote.

Servana: Pl-Please!!

Sasori tossed the antidote to the suffering girl, but as the glass container fell in contact to the floor, it shattered.

Sasori: Oh that's too bad. Seems like you'll have to die by the poison. Unless you can fight against the numbing and have made an antidote beforehand. Oh well, that would be impossible for such a useless girl as yourself.

Servana: D-don't you have . . . any mercy?! I've helped you . . . for so long . . .

Sasori: I don't care for anyone.


	2. Intro to Bombing Devil

**Sasori's Requiem **

* * *

Deidara: Sasori no Danna!! I have created yet another masterpiece to awe you!!

Before the redhead pedo-attracter was the most beautiful, yet simple, sculpture of a bird you could have ever imagined.

Sasori: Don't waste my time, brat. I don't like it. _Damn it. How could someone as low as Deidara create something like this?!_

Deidara: Well of course! You aren't looking at the art right now, un! This is just the setup! KATSU!!

Sasori stared as the wonderful art was blown to smithereens as well as part of his bedroom.

Sasori: Y-you brat! Get out!! (And throws a pillow at Dei-yes, like a girl.)

00000

Chiyo: Sasori . . . you can't kill all of your servants and definitely NOT destroy part of the home.

Sasori: That explosion was totally Deidara's fault.

Chiyo: Well could you tell your friend to tone down the craziness?

Sasori: Friend? You make me laugh witch.

Chiyo: Sasori . . . what happened? You used to be such a good kid. . .

Sasori: I can hear you old hag. Well at least I'm still here since you trapped me in this cage ever since I tried to run away. Clingy much?

Chiyo: . . . um. I'm getting you a new servant, perhaps you two will get along this time.

Sasori: I won't kill him on the first day, if you give me candy bitch.

Chiyo: Of course. Oh, but remember to share some with Gaara-kun, okay?

Sasori: Oh yeah, that little bastard is coming tomorrow.

00000

Hmm . . . nothing to say.


	3. Intro to Sand Demon and Religous Asshole

**Sasori's Requiem**

* * *

Sasori: Come to my room and we can do some fun things there.

Gaara: . . .

Sasori: Here have some candy.

Gaara: . . . (Takes to candy and unwraps it slowly and stares at it for a while.)

Sasori: It's not poisonous. Come on, I hate waiting.

Gaara: (Nods and takes a bite.) . . . this is . . . disgusting.

Sasori: What the-?! I liked it better when you were mute. This is the best chocolate in the world!

Gaara: "Todoki" tastes a lot better.

Sasori: To-todoki?! You get to eat Todoki?! That's stuff's expensive even for me!

Gaara: I eat it everyday.

Sasori: And they call me spoiled. Listen, shit. Next time you visit, you better get me some.

Gaara: Um, I have some now . . . would you like it?

Sasori: Duh, give it to me!

Gaara: Will . . . will you be my friend if I do?

Sasori: Why not? Now give, you piece of shit.

00000

Hidan: Fucking awesome! Your room's sparkling clean and organized!

Sasori: I didn't know that a cleaning servant is suppose to be in awe. It's your job to make everything perfect like the way it is now. You won't disappoint me, right?

Hidan: Ha! Fuck that! Your grandma just pays me to babysit you, srsly.

Sasori: I don't need to be babysat.

Hidan: Bullshit, that's what they all say, srsly.

Sasori: Whatever. Go downstairs and get me a snack.

Hidan: F-ck! Get your own shit!

Sasori: It's your job to get stuff for me.

Hidan: Oh . . . right.

(After some time . . . )

Hidan: Here you go, f-cker!

Sasori: How stupid . . . when I say snacks, I don't mean fattening shit. I want candy.

Hidan: I know that, srsly. The chips are for moi, this teeth rotting stuff for you.

Sasori: Moi?

Hidan: It's French.

Sasori: There's no such thing as this thing called French.

Hidan: Fuck you!

Sasori: Oh you would like that wouldn't you?

Hidan: ARE YOU FUCKING FLIRTING WITH ME?! HOMO!!

Sasori: Ah-no! Get the hell out of my room!

00000

Deidara: So this is Sasori no Danna's new servant. Hello, I'm Deidara the Bombing Devil, un.

Hidan: Fuck. I knew this messed up kid would have messed up friends . . .

Deidara: Where's Danna?

Hidan: Shower. So . . . uh . . . are you a girl or a boy? Or both?

Deidara: I'M A BOY, UN! If you tease me or insult me on having a girly appearance then I WILL FUCKING BLOW YOU UP!!

Hidan: Fuck, calm down! Judging by the way you said that, another fucker has called you a girl, amiright?

Deidara: U-un.

Sasori steps out of the shower, wearing only a towel loosely tied around his waist. Water is dripping from his hair and sliding down his slightly scrawny body.

Deidara: Sa-sasori no Danna!! Go put some clothes on!

Sasori: What, brat? Am I making you hard already?

Deidara: Just put some clothes on, un!

Sasori: Don't peak, hmm?

Hidan: Fucking homo's totally flirting with you Dei-chan! Come on Sasori, get outta the fucking closet!!

Sasori: I AM NOT FLIRTING!

Deidara: (sighs) No, it's normal for Danna to talk this way. He even does this to his grandma.

Sasori: I DO NOT FLIRT! AKASUNA SASORI DOES NOT FLIRT!

Hidan: Then stop doing it, fucker!

Sasori: Call me fucker again and I'll really fuck you.

Hidan: . . .

00000

Deidara: Hidan, you don't seem to be very fit as a servant, un. Why are you one?

Hidan: Well I was kinda forced into it. My dad sold me to his grandma, srsly.

Deidara: Too poor to afford you, un?

Hidan: Nah, my old man was fucking rich, though you could never tell since our house looked like shit. Money-saving bastard. He just couldn't stand me.

Sasori: No one can stand you. Unless they're an idiot. _His father just abandoned him like that? He didn't care at all for his own child?_

Deidara: I can stand Hidan . . . probably. As long as he stops saying that I look like a girl and calling me Dei-chan!

Sasori: Proves my point.

00000

Doesn't it seem like when Sasori first appeared in the manga/anime, he was like flirting with Sakura and Chiyo?


	4. Intro to Uchiha Prodigy

**Sasori's Requiem**

* * *

Deidara: There goes the high and mighty Itachi, un.

Sasori: Much better than you brat.

Deidara: No way, un! I could beat him anyday!

Sasori: Says no one else. Itachi may be even better than me, so that's saying you could never beat him in a million years, brat.

Deidara: Did the great Akasuna really just say that someone was even better than him?!

Sasori: Sometimes it's fun being on the bottom

Deidara: Really? Then why don't you trades spots with a peasant for once?

Sasori: What? Someone like you?

Deidara: Yeah, then I wouldn't be executed if I beat Itachi in a duel, un!

Sasori: Keep dreaming brat.

00000

Sasori: . . .

Hidan: Hey fucker! Go eat!

Sasori: I'm not feeling very hungry, besides I'm working on a puppet.

Hidan: You never eat, anorexic shit!

Sasori: I'm your master, you can't call me that.

Hidan: I can call you whatever you want, orphaned bastard!

Sasori: !! That's it! I'm tired of you!

Hidan: What the fuck?!

Sasori's puppet flies over to Hidan and pieces his stomach, trapping him onto a wall.)

Hidan: F-ck! That hurts you bastard! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Sasori: What the . . . ?! (The puppet backs up and quickly jabs it's sword into Hidan's heart.)

Hidan: F-ck! Now you stab my most vital organ . . . I think. Anyways, Jashin damn you!

Sasori: Why aren't you dead?!

Hidan: This is apart of the reason why your grandma hired me! I can't die!! Fuck, you're stuck with me forever, srsly!

Sasori: Damn that bitch! (Sasori dashes out of the room.)

Hidan: H-hey! Get me down!

00000

Gaara: The third kazekage could use iron sand. Sand . . . use it like me.

Sasori: Uh-huh. So how do you use this sand? Like what do you do with it?

Gaara: I can turn it into different shapes or wrap it around things, like this!

(Sand slithers onto a picture of his mother and holds it floating in the midair.)

Sasori: And crush it.

Gaara: N-no! Yashamaru would get very mad if I used my sand for something like that! The sand is only for defense. It's something my mother gave to me as a symbol of love, it protects me like she would have if she were alive. Besides this is very precious to Yashamaru, it would be horrible if I'd break this.

Sasori: Would he kill you?

Gaara: No! Yashamaru would never ever try to kill me!

Sasori: Then why not do it?

Gaara: Why? That would make him very disappointed in me. . .

Sasori: Exactly, shit. The looks on peoples faces when you do something bad. It's very interesting to watch.

Gaara: Interesting?

Sasori: Mmm-hmm, you're pretty interesting yourself, Gaara. You powers and your body intrigue me so . . . I wish I could have it

Gaara: My powers? You don't think it's scary?

Sasori: Of course not.

Gaara: Thank you Sasori-san! You truly are my friend!

Sasori: Uh-huh, now give me some candy, shit.

00000

Wow, great friend, ne?


	5. Intro to True Art

**Sasori's Requiem**

* * *

Sasori: Deidara, if you keep staring at Itachi all the time, everyone will think that you are gay.

Deidara: I am not, un! And especially not with Itachi!! I'd rather blow up!

Sasori: That's random. Blowing up?

Deidara: Well . . . blowing wouldn't be that bad, un. At least I would die in an artistic way . . .

Sasori: Artistic? You call a bunch of smoke, radiation, heat, and shit art? Art is not something that poofs away like a magical fairy, brat. It's eternal. Something that can be admired from a distance and awed by many for decades or even centuries.

Deidara: Ridiculous! Why would anyone want to look at something old and molding?! Everyone would tired of it sooner or later and it would become overrated! Something gone within the second is able to leave the audience in wonder and have them digging their memory for what the beauty did look like. Have them missing it.

Sasori: How stupid. Why would anyone miss an explosion?

Deidara: How could anyone admire some gross block of wood?

Sasori: This is the reason why Itachi can beat you brat. If fleeting's so great and so are you, your glory will only last for a few seconds, while Itachi's last forever.

Deidara: Okay, then if your eternal art is so awesome, then where are your parents? Gone, fleeting, not eternal. You hate fleeting things right? So what? You hate your parents?

Sasori: I! Brat, get out! And stay out of my life! I don't even know why I associate with someone as low and poor as you!

Deidara: Fine, I don't care! (Stomps out the room.)

Sasori: . . .

00000

Chiyo: What happened Sasori? Why hasn't Deidara visited you in such a long time?

Sasori: He has different views from me.

Chiyo: Maybe you should try to view it his way . . .

Sasori: No.

Chiyo: Alright Sasori. Do it your way.

Sasori: I'm a shinobi, right? I'm not suppose to have close bonds with anyone.

Chiyo: That's right. Good job Sasori.

Sasori: Right, bitch.

00000

Wow they sound so gay . . . so now Sasori and Deidara aren't friends, yeah.


	6. Intro to A Good Boy

**Sasori's Requiem**

* * *

Hidan: Fuck, it's so boring without Dei-chan. Geez Sasori, why do you have to be such a bastard?

Sasori: If you're so bored, why don't you become a testing subject for my new puppet?

Hidan: Sure! I love pain!!

Sasori: Ugh, nevermind.

Hidan: Hey . . . over there! It's Dei-chan! DEI-CHAN!!

Deidara was walking with a very tall and well built black haired boy. Black covered every inch of his body except there was a tacky green scarf wrapped around his neck even though it was warm out. As they turned around, a badly made orange swirled mask was stuck to the strange boy's face. Deidara waved at Hidan but didn't even glance at Sasori as he walked over to them.

Deidara: Hey, Hidan. Tobi, this is Hidan, un.

Hidan: Yo, freak.

Tobi: Hello! My name is Tobi! I'm a good boy!

Hidan: What the fuck?

Tobi: Deidara-senpai, who's this?

Deidara: That's a bastard, un. His parents abandoned him at a young age cuz they couldn't stand his bitching.

Tobi: Ooooh, that's who you were talking about! Hello Sasori! I've heard a lot about you!

Sasori: I'm overjoyed. Excuse me while I gag to the fact that I'm speaking to a retard.

Tobi: Senpai's right. You are a bitch.

Hidan: Damn straight!

Sasori: Tch, get out of my sight low-lives.

Deidara: No way, un. Tobi's apart of the elite class of Uchiha.

Hidan: Like Itachi?!

Deidara: Higher than Itachi, un.

Sasori: That's really really hard to believe.

Tobi: It's true!

Hidan: Fuck! Then I must be able to become elite in a snap!

Sasori: Whatever, it's obvious that Deidara is jealous of Itachi, so he tried to become as good by becoming friends with an Uchiha. Too bad he had to settle for the retard. True, brat?

Tobi: He calls you brat? Sounds like a pet name Senpai!

Deidara: Yeah, un. Don't you know? Danna has a crush on me.

Sasori: And who's the one calling another Danna?!

Deidara: Fine, my bad, un! I am so sorry Akasuna-sama.

Hidan: Okay you guys . . . Akasuna-bastard, let's go before someone blows up.

Sasori: Hopefully you brat. You want to blow up right?

Tobi: Haha! Senpai blowing up? That's so funny!

Deidara: Shut up Tobi! I'll blow you up!

Tobi: Ah! No, senpai!!

Tobi runs as Deidara threatens him with the white clay birds in his hands. They run around the area like idiots and Deidara jumps on Tobi, but gets pinned down when Tobi rolls over reversing the positions.

Deidara: To-tobi!! Get off, un!

Tobi: Say uncle

Deidara: No!

Hidan: Damn. They look like a fucking couple already . . . pretty hot huh?

Sasori: What? A girly looking boy and a retarded masked freak? You must be kidding me. Besides, I'm not into the whole homosexual shit.

Hidan: Uh-huh . . . right. Just admit it, you've got a rival in love.

00000

Gaara: Sasori-san, why is everyone scared of me? Is it because I can control sand?

Sasori: They're jealous of your power. It's them, not you.

Gaara: Right. I'm not the problem, they are. How do I help them fix the problem?

Sasori: You don't. If it really gets in your way though, you just get them out of the way.

Gaara: By . . . ?

Sasori: How else do you get rid of someone forever? You kill them.

Gaara: Kill? But Yashamaru . . .

Sasori: Listen, shit. I don't give a damn about what Yashamaru says. You can choose who you want to listen to.

Gaara: . . .

00000

I don't even know what's happening anymore.


	7. Intro to an Adventure

**Sasori's Requiem**

* * *

Chiyo: Sasori . . . Gaara will be coming to you, since he sees you as a friend. Yashamaru failed to kill him. I know this will be hard for you, but remember that this child is a monster.

Sasori: So all I have to do is kill him, right?

Chiyo: Yes, don't let your emotions-

Sasori: Shut up. I can do this, that freak is nothing to me.

00000

Gaara: Sa-Sasori-san! Ya-Yashamaru . . . he tried to-

Sasori: Hmm? What? Don't you know that everyone hates you? Why would you be so surprised that someone would actually try to kill you?

Gaara: Yashamaru was the only one to love me! At least . . . that's what I thought.

Sasori: You idiot, your parents loved you.

Gaara: My father was the one to send Yashamaru after me! Mother . . . mother never loved me! Everything Yashamaru said was a lie . . . mother hated me for-

Sasori: Your mother . . . never loved you? How is that . . . possible?

Gaara: Sasori-san! Help me! He's sending more assassins to kill me!

Sasori: Don't worry, Gaara . . . I'll help you fight them. You have to stay strong and fight only for yourself- no one else matters. This demon was given to you for a reason. Show those other bastards why this monster is inside of you.

Gaara: That's what Gaara means . . .

00000

Shinobi: Hey! That's Akasuna! Go get him, foo!

Sasori: Shit. How long will this last? I don't even help Gaara anymore, but they're still after me.

Deidara: KATSU!! Sasori no Danna! That's where you are, un! You've been gone for a week!, What are you doing, helping the Shikaku?

Sasori: I pitied him. His own parents didn't even love him.

Deidara: Well no one's parents care anymore, un.

Sasori: Exactly. That's why I'm leaving this place. It's filled with imbeciles that don't give a damn about their own children.

Deidara: Sasori no Danna, let me come with you!

Sasori: I thought you too busy PMSing, brat.

Deidara: I was acting stupid, un. Or at least I was overreacting. I have learned to respect your point of view, even if it's wrong.

Sasori: . . . fine. Just don't drag me down.

00000

Sasori: You have everything, brat? I think someone's trailing me.

Deidara: Yup! Only need one more thing, just wait a while!

Sasori: Well hurry up. You know I hate waiting.

Deidara: Right!

00000

Sasori: He's taking a long time.

Hidan: Whazzup?! Man! It's been like a week since I've seen you!

Sasori: Ugh, I've almost forgotten you too.

Hidan: You could never forget me, I'm way too great!

Deidara: Back, un!

Tobi: Hi, Sasori!!

Sasori: What the-?! Deidara, why is **he** here?!

Tobi: Deidara-senpai invited me to go on an adventure with you!

Hidan: An adventure? I'm fucking coming, srsly! This place is boring as fuck!

Sasori: Grr . . . no! Only Deidara's coming with me!

Tobi: I don't want Senpai to leave me!

Deidara: Danna! I'm not going, unless this freak comes with!

Sasori: Do you think I care? Ugh, fine . . . all you unessesaries can go.

All: Yay!

Sasori: I am sure that these people will drag me down.

00000

Okay, if you are confused. Sasori, Deidara, Tobi, and Hidan are leaving Suna cuz Sasori is wanted for helping Gaara. Gaara is by himself, cuz he's strong enough that he doesn't need Sasori's help.


End file.
